Michael Wolfe

A stunning breakthrough has scientists and historians scrambling to ascertain the nature of the Medieval Warming Period(MWP). Long marginalized by proponents of anthropomorphic global warming (AGW), scientists have now discovered new and convincing evidence that mankind was responsible for the MWP, allowing AGW believers to cast off the denial of the MWP and adds stunning new substantiation of this wonderful peice of pseudo-scientific AGW propaganda, also known as a voluntary, albeit brief, enacting of my own fairness doctrine.

Dr. Walker has unearthed in the climategate emails knowledge that has been suppressed by deniers of AGW, namely that there is a “scientific consensus in the deleted emails is that the Medieval Warm Period was a direct result of friction caused by European sword sharpening during the Crusades…so, still our fault.¹” The IPCC is scrambling to conduct research into various family lines, and the IPCC is petitioning the European Union and British governments for access to private data, to ascertain the possibility of a post-humus “sword tax.” Deniers are calling such claims heinous and absurd and a violation of privacy.

Unfortunately for them, Dr. Hover has unearth irrefutable evidence that must be accepted without question because of the Dr. placed strategically in front of his name:

The warming all started with the first evil knight/industrialist: George Herbert FitzBush. He was the main arms supplier of William the Bastard of Normandy. FitzBush denuded Normandy, and later much of England, of trees so he could make huge fires with which to forge his weapons of mass destruction; weapons used by William to invade and plunder the British Isles.²

Studies are now being conducted at the highest levels of the UN to determine the role the manufacture and sharpening of samurai swords and  Native American arrowheads may have played in the temperature increases that threatened the medieval world.

“It is long past time for the descendants of these destructive warmongering capitalists to pay, with interest, for the grievous sins of their great great great great great grandfathers.  Even now, draft amendments are being made to the UN’s Agenda 21 to account for these atrocities committed against Gaia. Those who are responsible for the Medieval Military Complex will not escape justice.” Said Dr. Voldemort, head of the UN Council for the Divestment of Wealth from Evil Capitalists. He continued “We are also launching studies into the effects the American Revolution and its gun-wielding zealots may have had on the MWP due to the excessive number of muskets and other guns, and the great many shots fired. Certainly these contributed to AGW.³ He dismissed claims by skeptics that the American Revolution occurred after the MWP as “absurd,” saying, “Those deniers will stop at nothing to further their evil capitalist gun-loving agenda.⁴“

1. Dr. Thomas, the Journal of Applied Environmental Historiological Phasing Science, as cited in social networking post, 12/23/09

2. Dr. Hover, the prestigious Environmental Journal of Climatic Pseudo-Academia, as cited in social networking post,12/24/09

3. The Environmental Encyclopedia of My Creative Intellect, Second Revised Edition, pg 2341, paragraph 3, sentence 5, 2009.

4. ibid, pg 4325, 2009.