A tale Inspired (but not really based on) by the true story.
Once upon a time in the progressive kingdom of Yesweecan there was a great king, the greatest progressive leader that had ever governed Yesweecan. With his newly printed money, he was getting ready to mandate a higher living wage when word reached him that the greatest psychological guru in the entire progressive world had come to tour the kingdom of Yesweecan and to meet its leader. King Brother Keeper was delighted, and postponed his plans in order that he might meet this great and enlightened man.
The great doctor was ushered into the king’s court. After a series of rowdy parties in celebration of their honored guest, the doctor requested a private meeting with the king. The king readily consented and they retired immediately to the king’s office.
“King,” said the great doctor, “I see that your kingdom is truly progressive, but I must confess that there is one thing that would make it even more progressive.”
“What have we not done?” Said the king, going through a brief history of all the great progressive legislation, living wages of 50 dollars an hour, free universal compulsory public education through four years of college, mandatory health insurance, free birth control dispensed from machines on every street corner, the abolition of stock markets, private property, churches, even the private ownership of clothes!
“But, my dear king, you are still living with a regressive morality. I can tell from looking at you that you have an unresolved inner identity crises that you refuse to resolve.”
“Oh my,” stuttered the king, “I never realized it! Can you help me.”
“Why certainly,” said the great Psychologist. “And when I’m done, the kingdom will see that their leader is truly a great woman.”
“But,” said the king, but the great Psychologist interrupted,
“In time you will see the you inside you that you have suppressed ever since the day your father duped you into dreaming of dragon slaying and other such oppressive middle age artificial misogamist gender reinforcing behaviors. You see, the philosophy behind such antiquated models is that gender is biological. That men are born men and women are born women. For all your great progressive achievements, I cannot believe you failed to keep up with the latest and most progressive psychological models. Imagine the dozens of little boys that stopped playing with dolls when they were surrounded by an artificial reinforcement of male identity with the heroism surrounding your formative years as a knight and dragon slayer. These youth need a role model who will tell them that they do not have to accept the reality they have been given, but can construct their own reality and so expand their self esteem and become whatever they want to be without fear of a disapproving look from anyone!”
“My, you are truly a great psychologist! I have never seen it that way before. I cannot imagine how many young minds have been implanted with a sense of concrete reality because of my ignorant actions!” You must help me!”
“My friend, that is why I am here! You must follow everything that I explain to you in order to express yourself truly and let your real self shine through!
Over the following weeks, the king wasn’t visible in his kingdom and the good proletarians wondered where their leader was. It was later announced that a new agency was being set up, the Progressive Bureau of Free Gender Self Expression and Anti-Bigotry. The people marveled at how truly progressive and liberating that sounded, and knew immediately that the king had spend these past weeks consulting with the greatest progressive mind in the world.
By the time of the winter solstice holiday, the Great Psychologist appeared before the people.
“My dear friends, over the past few weeks we have been preparing a new agency that will bring untold progressive advancement throughout the kingdom. It will allow people the freedom to express who they truly are, no matter what their true self is. For too long we have allowed that regressive antagonist Reality to rule over the people, to demand that they accept his conclusions. The chief purpose of this new agency will be to see that Reality remains forever banished from this kingdom, for no kingdom can be truly progressive until Reality has been dismissed from its borders. For even your great Leader was still under the rigid control of Reality. Thus, to continue the expansion of your kingdom’s progressive status, your old king has decided to begin with his own person. I have succeeded in freeing your King from his bondage to reality.
The people were awed. They had never known that the menace of Reality still haunted their kingdom to such a great extent. Sure, they occasionally had an unruly child, who insisted a toy was “his.” Or some quack that insisted the earth was not some kind of cosmic accident, but such things were usually solved with more education and assignment to the finest mental health institutions in the kingdom. That their king was under the grip of Reality caused the people to collectively shudder.
Never fear, good subjects, I have succeeded in driving its icy influence from your wise leader. From this day forward, it will no longer be proper to address your leader as “King” or to call her “he.” All hail the great Queen of Yesweecan.
The ex King appeared on the stage. It was clear the People’s Treasury had invested a considerable amount. The people cheered, for the expense was a pittance to be paid in order that Reality might be banished forever from the kingdom. The people cheered as the Queen walked down the Royal catwalk while triangle pink and purple confetti rained down on them and the newly written progressive anthem, “Made this way” was belted out by the People’s Progressive Choir.
From the back of the great crowd a hand was raised and a shout of wait rang out. The proletarians ceased their cheering and the anthem died and the Queen froze on the walkway.
“But putting a dress on a man mutilating his body and replacing it with plastic doesn’t make him a woma-“ said the lone dissident, a vagabond youth from the kingdom’s flyover country, a barbaric and horrid place where the reach of the administration’s progressive dictates was weakest.
The youth’s statement was immediately interrupted by the Great Psychologist, who’s voice boomed out over the crowd. Good citizens, Reality has raised its ugly hurtful voice! Seize him!
The people, readily trusting in the most trustworthy and progressive voice ever known, made off after the youth, who had ran off into the wilderness preserve, which was forbidden by Environmental decree 103,0987,001 for any citizen to enter, lest his humanness contaminate it. And so he escaped into the wilderness, which was also a world heritage site. The Queen was relieved, and filed the proper paperwork to inform the United People’s Kingdoms of the violation and allow them to process the proper response.
And the great Psychologist, who was appointed to the well paid position of Czar of the Progressive Bureau of Free Gender Self Expression and Anti-Bigotry, made a final address to the people.
Good citizens. In light of the shocking and terrible, albeit brief return of the monster Reality to our happy and progressive kingdom, as the Czar of the Progressive Bureau of Free Gender Self Expression and Anti-Bigotry, I must append the following dictates to the Rules of Good Citizenship, page 100,460,666:
1. No one is to question another’s gender or sexual expression, unless by that expression they challenge another’s expression.
2. Anyone guilty of infringing on another’s personal-reality in a negative or unapproving way will be charged with Hate Crime.
3. Where current culture and science conflict with personal-reality, they must be modified to accommodate that personal-reality, unless that personal-reality is Hate Crime.
4. Anyone trying to force an objective Reality of any kind will be charged with Hate Crime.
5. Anyone charged with Hate Crime will be immediately remanded to the proper mental hygiene clinic for healing. Those found unhealable will be aborted in the most sustainable and humane fashion.
The people nodded in collective agreement. And so the citizens of the People’s Kindom lived happily ever after, that is until Reality, leading the rules of Society and Economics caught up with their progressive kingdom and it collapsed into anarchy and starvation. But even then, some took solace in defining their self-reality, despite the fact that their stomachs rebelled against them.
If my people, which are called by my name, shall humble themselves, and pray, and seek my face, and turn from their wicked ways; then will I hear from heaven, and will forgive their sin, and will heal their land. – 2nd Chr. 7:14 – 1769 Oxford King James Bible ‘Authorized Version